i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You need Xanax blowdarts
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
