if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
