I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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