It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
