I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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