She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i came on her dog
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
