New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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