like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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