i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
where are my eyebrows?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
