Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
