One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
