Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
