based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
