Someone shit on the floor
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
