respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
