Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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