You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
babies were throwing up all over the place
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
