Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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