the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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