he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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