I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The power of my boobs compel you
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
