im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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