I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
