Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
