I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
