So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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