Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
