i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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