matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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