there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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