Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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