Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
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