dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
