return my video game
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
