We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
God I need to hump something, right now.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
