No awkward lesbian experiences without me
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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