eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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