put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
