I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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