So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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