btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
