this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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