I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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