Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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