at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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