All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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