I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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