It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
