Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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