Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
