We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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