NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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