and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
