we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
