APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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