There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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