so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
