ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
