my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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