fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
