***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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