please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I love having hate sex.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
