I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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