I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
