dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
