How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Houston, we have a squirter
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Randomize
