ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
