I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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