Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
