I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
