I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
