So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
