I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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