all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
