ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
