I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
